lunes, 3 de agosto de 2015
My dearest void, hello again. I wasn't sure either to write a poem or to write you. I really need to free myself from so much burden, it's suffocating!!! I am trying to lay some of it in your pages, in your unwritten white and peaceful pages so that I can feel some relief. I hope it works. I am listening to some oldies that I love while I write to try and cheer myself up. I was more of a kid back then but I still love them, they're in my memories, reminiscence of the time when I didn't have to worry about anything except school or my inexperienced love life or some other things, but nothing more. I wish I could go back and start over, I often think, but when I look into my children eyes I just know I would make the same mistakes and take the same road that would have lead me to them.
It's not working!!!... so let's write a poem instead dearest void, maybe there I might be able to find the peace I am desperately seeking... I am completely restless, I want to fly, to set myself free like that song, but words are not enough and life is too short to do everything my heart desires. Let me hold my breath and pull through to the other side of the ocean of whatever I am facing... Would you give me yours dearest void? You have already... I guess I will put that poem on hold because I am starting to feel better, or maybe I'll write just a line that will become part of my next poem:
Me vuelvo a esconder detrás de ti,
busco tu sombra en el azul de la luna,
esa que se escapa cada cierto tiempo
y que regresa para recordarte.
Serena lámina de un mar inmenso
arrodillado de orillas en la noche.
Infinito universo perdido en vitrales de luz..."
...Until next time my dearest void, don't blow away anytime soon...!
viernes, 31 de julio de 2015
el encierro me hace olvidarlo todo,
solo pienso en la nieve que cae
sobre una superficie hecha de juguete...
el rascacielos aguarda enaltecido mi regreso.
Le doy cuerda a esa esfera llena de ciudad
que entona una clásica canción de nana,
lejos de mi entorno, cerca de mis sueños.
Viajo en el recuerdo y me invade la nostalgia:
la paz dentro del bullicio, el paso acelerado.
¡Extraño todo! el relato de mis locuras:
mi beso al aire contaminado de universos,
la foto prometida de esa película romántica,
la puerta de los amores inconclusos,
la mirada al vacío que no me alcanza.
Me convierto en una lánguida versión de mi.
La musica termina lentamente...
las campanillas callan al cese del tiempo
y me arrojan al silencio sagrado de un ritual.
viernes, 24 de julio de 2015
lunes, 20 de julio de 2015
My dearest void, here I am again looking for salvation and as always you manage somehow to rescue me. I read parts of a recent interview to Kristen Stewart on the internet. I follow some of her work and I've learned that besides being an actress, she's also a poet, a screenwriter among other things. Because I love poetry and deep insights, I loved this-recent interview because she was very candid about the pain and struggle she went through in her early 20's. She was telling her story, how she dealt with the pain, with the ugly and how she managed to live hard since a very young age, on how she came out to the other end not hardened, but strong. Wow!! I was speechless.
Her message was so deep and inspiring that I though it to be a great example on how to deal with our own predicaments and needed to write about it and to become another voice out there echoing hers on some of her deepest thoughts. For instance: "I have the ability to persevere that I didn't have before. It's like when you fall on your face so hard and the next time, you're like, Yeah, so? I've fallen on my face before."
For me this means that falling makes you who you are, that without going through the worse in life, you will never be able to appreciate the best. That through it all you get to taste pain only to be able to get to the other side and have a taste of true happiness, that our perspective will keep changing until we all realize that we should only cry for that which is worth crying and should only apoligize when it is deserving.
We all can make mistakes and lit our universe on fire, watch it burn, but eventually, like the Phenix, be reborn, regenerate, come back from the ashes, with fire within our hearts and start all over again.
Thank you my dearest void, anything can become a source of strengh if we let it!! ...til next time.
lunes, 13 de julio de 2015
Dearest void, Where is my heart? That is the question. I don't have an answer for that except to say that the only place it could be is in my children's well being. So therefore, my children are my home, my safe haven, the place I go to rest, to regain my strength, my faith. I am away from the place I call home, I mean, Puerto Rico, yet I feel like I am at home as long as I'm with them, wherever I am, wherever I go. So I guess the universe in them is my dwelling. Today I'm going back to Puerto Rico, with my home right beside me and my heart beating strong for they are right here, next to me. See you soon dear void, let's do it together!!
miércoles, 8 de julio de 2015
sábado, 27 de junio de 2015
Hi my dearest void, I have run out of words, again. This is the time when you come to the rescue and make me write in a different language so, like I once wrote, I can make up for the lines unwritten in my maternal language. Where do my strengh comes from? Where do I get the drive to keep on going and take care of my loved ones when I am feeling dark, falling into the deepest despair, when I feel like I'm breathing by an act of God, when I feel I am being pushed to walk, because otherwise I would be standing still or maybe even laying somewhere out there.
I have all this beauty to share but I can't bring myself to do it right, I am trying hard to be stoical, to be the hero of my family, to be able to win a different battle and to be awarded, like my father was, with the Medal of Valor for his courage under fire at the korean war. I wish I had the audacity he had when he was alive. I could witness his unwillingness to give up on anything. For every problem he'd always find an answer, a solution and would even perform miracles when I thought nothing could be done. He was a war hero, but he will always be the hero of my story. I miss him and I would give anything to talk to him so that he could tell me what to do, because I know for sure he would tell me exactly what to do.
So I am going to pretend that he's talking to me from the heavens above telling me everything will work out for the good, that beyond my reason there's a reason for everything that happens in my life and that when you love God, everything turns out for the best. I know he would have told me not to give up, to fight, to be strong, to not cave, to trust my Lord, Jesus Christ, to never let go. I am sure before he parted, he asked the Lord to guide me, to get me through life, to protect me, to send me His Angels to help me from any predicament.
Papa, I will try my best to be like you. That, I promise. Just keep sending Angels my way to protect me and to allow me to finish your unfinished work, my mom, my brother, and my daughters... till next time dear void, it was great writing to you...L